Recognizing the Signs of “Grooming”

As the world advances, so do the tactics of sexual predators. Grooming is one of these, used by sexual predators looking to assault and abuse children. This term has been in the media a lot lately, so it is important to understand exactly what it is, what to look for, and what to do when you discover that your child may have been a victim of grooming. Your children’s safety is your number one priority, and when you discover that they might be the victim of childhood sexual assault, it’s easy to feel guilty and helpless, but it is important to know that there is help, and that your child’s life isn’t over or ruined. Justice can be achieved, and you and your family can move on and grow to become stronger in the face of such tragedy.

What is “grooming?”

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) defines grooming as “manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught.” Most often, it is children who are the targets of grooming, as they may not have enough experience and knowledge to know when they are being manipulated. Children are taught to trust adults, and while they may feel something is off when being groomed, they are less likely to speak out against this manipulation due to that power imbalance in trust, strength, and believability. Teens are also at risk for grooming.

How does a predator groom a victim?

Grooming happens both online and face-to-face, typically initiated by someone within the victim’s trusted circle, such as a family member, coach, teacher, minister, youth group leader, or even Boy/Girl Scout leaders.

While grooming can manifest in various ways, RAINN details the pattern grooming tends to follow:

• Victim selection. Abusers take their time in watching those they wish to choose to be their victim, selecting them based on ease of access or perceived vulnerability.
• Gaining access and isolating the victim. Once they have chosen a victim, abusers aim to physically or emotionally separate the child or teen from protectors, often seeking jobs or positions involving contact with minors. Because those roles in society are meant for those who are implicitly meant to be trustworthy and safe around children, they are desirable positions for groomers to search out.
• Trust development and keeping secrets. Abusers work to gain the trust of potential victims through gifts, attention, and sharing “secrets,” fostering a seemingly caring relationship while training them to keep it confidential.
• Desensitization to touch and sexual topics. Abusers may initiate seemingly harmless physical contact, such as hugging or tickling, gradually escalating to more explicit actions like massages or shared showers. They might also introduce sexual content (such as pornography) to desensitize the victim.
• Normalizing abusive behavior. Abusers attempt to make their actions seem natural to avoid raising suspicions. Teens may have a difficult time recognizing these grooming tactics if they are particularly close in age to the adult.

Grooming signs to look out for

Generally, there may not be obvious signs that your child is being groomed, as they have been taught to keep quiet on the manipulation they are experiencing. In fact, they may not even understand or realize that they are being groomed in the first place.

However, as per the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), some signs to keep an eye out for include:

• Being very secretive about how they’re spending their time, including when online
• Having an older boyfriend or girlfriend
• Having money or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can’t or won’t explain
• Underage drinking or drug taking
• Spending more or less time online or on their devices
• Being upset, withdrawn, or distressed
• Sexualised behavior, language, or an understanding of sex that’s not appropriate for their age
• Spending more time away from home or going missing for periods of time.

Liability for childhood sexual assault

If you discover that your child is being groomed and/or sexually assaulted, it is important to know that there are steps you can take to achieve justice for the crime that has been committed against your child.

If a person as a single entity committed sexual acts or crimes against your child, then you can file a sexual assault claim against the abuser. If, on the other hand, your child was harmed by a person who is part of a larger entity such as a school or church, then liability may be held by multiple parties depending on the circumstances. For instance, if a youth pastor was the predator victimizing your child, if there is evidence that the church/school was negligent in hiring the person in question (perhaps they had a record of inappropriate behavior in the past), or there is evidence of a coverup by the church/school administrative staff, then further lawsuits can be filed against these entities.

Where to find help in Washington, DC

While no amount of money or jail time served can undo the damage and trauma done to your child, seeking compensation for such can assist in getting the help your child needs after the fact. The DC Children’s Advocacy Center Safe Shores is an organization you may wish to explore to help your child.

According to their website, “Safe Shores provides survivor-centered services and support for children affected by abuse in DC and works to end child abuse and neglect as the DC Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America.”

Safe Shores provides a number of services, stating:

Safe Shores, The DC Children’s Advocacy Center provides comprehensive and coordinated services for children and families affected by physical and sexual abuse, and witnesses to violence in our Nation’s Capital. Safe Shores works with over 1,700 children and families every year to provide the following services:

• Client Advocacy
• Youth Advocacy
• Forensic Services
• Clinical Services
• Prevention and Outreach

With the internet and social media, as well as children having their own private devices like tablets and phones, it is hard to know exactly who your child is speaking to. It is important that your teen or child has their own personal space for healthy mental and emotional development, but it does open them up to risks. It is important to look for signs that your child may be being groomed or sexually assaulted. If you discover that is the case, then it is important to seek justice against this predator so that you, your child, and other families can live in a safer world.

Please contact Paulson & Nace, PLLC through this contact form or by calling our office.